According to dictionary.com, this is the definition of labor. I'd like to tell you how it really goes. Don't forget, if you are shy or easily offended, please stop reading now. :)
I broke out with a horrible rash called Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy in my 38th week of pregnancy. It was ridiculous and spread all over my tummy, arms, legs, hands and feet, itching to the point that I broke skin, and I couldn't sleep...for days. Poor Tyler - I was losing my mind and I think he was scared for his life. :) I was prescribed some medication for the itching with no relief (there is no remedy for the rash, of course). I finally gave in and called the doctor on Friday July 15th, like a physco, emotional pregnant lady I begged for help. The lovely nurse said "have you tried a cold wash cloth or maybe a cool bath?" The response in my head went a little something like this: Are you frickin' kidding me lady? You went to nursing school for several years to prescribe me a frickin cold compress??? You don't think I tried that last week? - I got my degree online and University of Phoenix and figured that one out!! Needless to say, she suggested we go to the triage at the hospital to get checked out. Tyler and I left work on Friday at noon and headed to the hospital. (Our bags were already packed and my legs were shaved :))
One of the doctors from my office was at the hospital getting ready for a C section. He stopped in to check me out and suggested we induce labor due to the severity of the rash. I was all for it, and I think Tyler was pretty much over me being pregnant and miserable... and he was VERY much ready to meet his lil' man. We agreed to the induction. At this point, I was dilated to a one, and 60% effaced.
Step One: Gels. The nurse inserted what felt like her entire fist and forearm into me and attempted to strip my membranes. OUCH!!! It felt like she carved her initials into my hoo-ha. Then she squirted a gel-like substance on my cervix which is supposed to "ripen" it. Joy. I had to lay down for an hour, then walk around for the next hour. Before we headed out for our exciting walk through the hospital she reminded me to head back to my room if my water broke. Umm, duh. I got to repeat this gel process three times. Yes, she carved her initials three times. Oh, and my water didn't break. I was told I had dilated to a "loose" one. I've never been so thrilled to be called "loose" before. Ha!
Step Two: The pixie stick. I don't recall the medical term for this giant, sharp stick that was inserted but I can tell you that a fist felt better than this thing! Holy crap! I about jumped out of my hospital bed when the nurse put this in. It was to stay in for 12 hours to also assist in "ripening" my cervix. Thank goodness it was pretty late on Friday night so we were able to sleep through most of the hours. The pixie stick was removed and I had dilated to a "tight" two. Ughhhh!!!!
Step Three: Pitocin. An IV of pitocin was given to me to help induce contractions. Every 30 minutes the nurse would increase the amount being given. The contractions weren't bad but they also weren't very consistent. I was still dilated to a two after several hours of pitocin. This was late Saturday afternoon - far after all of the "I bet you'll have the baby by midnight" bets were wrong. :(
Step Four: Attempting to break my water. The on-call doctor decided that he would break my water to induce the contractions and hopefully dilate my cervix quicker. He inserted his arm, which thankfully he was a petite man so this felt better than the nurse - and then he inserted a crochet hook and tried to break the bag. Unfortunately, every time he tried, Cruz would move his head up which meant there was a gap between his head and my cervix. The doc felt it wasn't safe to break the water at this time because when the water came gushing out, so might his umbilical cord or even an arm. That sounded glamorous. I can't imagine walking around the hospital in my backless gown with an arm hanging out. I was satisfied with the doc's decision, but still very frustrated that we were still pregnant!
Step Five: More pitocin. Sunday morning they cranked up the pitocin. The contractions were starting to become more painful - especially in my back. I was placed on a birthing ball (basically a big exercise ball that I sat on and bounced.) This actually made my back feel better but the contractions weren't consistent and my cervix was being stubborn. The doctor suggested I take the epidural and then he could "aggressively" (yes, this was his term to sell it to me) break my water. I went for it.
Step Six: Epidural and breaking of water. I would like to know who invented the epidural drug so I can personally write him or her a thank you letter. WOW! Five minutes after the epi I was pain free. The doctor jumped on into my hoo-ha and I couldn't feel a thing! He broke my water and Cruz's cord and limbs stayed in. :) Thank you, Cruz! The nurse cranked up the pitocin and had me lay on each side, flipping me every 30 minutes. Oh, I also got a catheter because I obviously couldn't tell if I needed to pee. Once she did that Tyler said "Look! Your peeing RIGHT NOW!" Awesome. I went from being pretty conservative around him (never farting or pooping) to peeing in a bag while he ate his lunch.
A few hours later I started to feel pretty nauseous and began throwing up. The doctor came in to check me and said I was ready to push! Yay!!! Tyler alerted the family.
Step Seven: Push. I always pictured the "pushing" phase to be very loud, and chaotic...kind of like it is on T.V. but it wasn't. The nurse and I chatted about dogs, coffee shops, and real estate and then every time I felt a contraction I would push for 10 seconds, three times... then we would resume our conversation. At first, the nurse thought I would be having him within the hour. My pushes were successful and he was riding right down the canal. She could see and even touch his hair - as creepy as that sounds.
Then, there wasn't any progression. I needed to get him under my pelvic bone, then back up and out. He wasn't moving past the bone. The anesthesiologist decided to turn down my epidural so I could feel the contractions more, and hopefully be able to push stronger. This didn't work. I could feel them but my I couldn't seem to push any harder. They brought in a squatting bar in hopes that I could get on the bed, squat and push harder. Ummm.. "laugh out loud" I could barely do squats when I weighed 30 pounds less, and wasn't numb from the boobs down. So, they decided to have me put my legs on the bar, then they wrapped a sheet around it so I could pull myself up while pushing. It was very "Little House on the Prairie" looking. This made me even more exhausted because I was using so much of my arm strength. It had been 3 1/2 hours of pushing at this point and I was getting a bit tired.
The doctor came in and said I was beginning to tear - awesome. He wasn't seeing any progression because he felt Cruz's head was too large to fit through my pelvis. He encouraged us to go for a C section. I felt a bit sad, I wanted the feeling of pushing him out and being a successful laborer ... but I knew we had tried everything with no avail. I was also a bit frustrated that we had been there since Friday, it was now Sunday late evening and they could've done this days ago. But, I understood where they were coming from.
Step Seven: C section. They prepped me, meaning they drugged the crap out of me. I felt like I was dying...my heart beat felt slow and weak and I could barely keep my eyes open. I laid there in silence. They brought Tyler into the surgery room and he sat next to my head. I remember the doctor asking me if I could feel anything sharp. I said no. Then I heard him call for a blade. I stopped listening at this point.
I felt some tugs and pressure, then a loud POP - I gasped. I thought they broke my pelvic bone. Then a warm gush of water and then they asked Tyler to look over the sheet and see his baby boy! Tyler was elated, and so was I - but I was just too scared to speak, or cry, or move. They hung Cruz over the sheet so I could see him really quick. He was so cute, screaming and covered in goo - but I remember him looking plump and healthy.
Tyler was able to cut the cord and watch them wash him down while they stapled me back up. The brought him over and held him in front of my face. I gave him some kisses. I was so relieved that it was over... but still so drugged up. I could barely think and was laying as still as could be. The nurse said I was the calmest patient she had ever seen. I wasn't calm on the inside, I was crapping my drawers - so to speak.
Tyler went with Cruz to the nursery to be checked out and they wheeled me to recovery. I was able to see him about three hours later. He was well worth the WAIT! :)
Cruz Jameson Kasowski
Born Sunday 7/17/2011 at 10:57pm
Size: 7 pounds 7 ounces, 20.5 inches long
Head: 14.5 inches
His head is supposedly quite large (thanks to Daddy) but it doesn't look disproportionate. His legs are sooo long and thin. He holds all of his plumpness in his back and belly. :) His pinky fingers are just about as long as the others! His hair is light brown and he has a lot of it! His eyelashes are blonde, but very long. Everyone talks about his chubby cheeks (thanks to Mommy) but they are so kissable. He is absolutely perfect!
*I wrote this in so much detail because I don't want to forget. I heard that God 'bamboozles' you into having another child by letting you forget about the labor part. :)
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